Irina Khakamada: A jealous man next to me has nothing to do
Or he must understand that the male attention that pours on me from all sides is nothing more than secular communication. Or we will have to disperse.
I must say right away: I am an absolutely monogamous person. But, if a man goes crazy every time I went to a girlfriend or spend time with friends, he simply will not be able to exist next to me. And I immediately set a condition: my friends, my friends and contacts - this is my world, and I can share it, but I can not share it. This is my own decision.
I came across very jealous men. And each time the relationship with them gradually reached the round table talks: either you accept me, or we scatter. Once we really ran away - tough, but honestly. We found out the relationship, we realized that we are not suitable for each other, and that’s all. And in other cases, men pinched themselves: despite jealousy, they were interested in talking with me and they tried to remake themselves. But this is a temporary phenomenon. If a man is jealous pathologically, it is impossible to change the situation. If you’re not afraid, you can talk to him, but you shouldn’t start a family. Of course, when a man is jealous at the level of rhetoric, it is very nice. But if at least one scandal follows this, then we are no longer talking about any pleasure.
I know a huge number of women who get wild scandals from husbands just because they went to a bachelorette party or stayed with a friend. Checks, calls begin ... Pathologically jealous men are jealous of a woman literally for everything: to a dog, to their own children, to girlfriends, to friends, to the circle of friends. This is a total attitude to a woman as a property: “You are mine, like a doll sitting on a sofa, and should be with me all the time. "There is no other world except mine for you." Nothing can be done here. If you are not able to be a background for a man and sit with him all his life, it is better not to build such marriages.
Jealousy is first of all self-doubt. But it is also superimposed on her a genetic sense of ownership, which goes to men from the animal world. Fighting this instinct is very difficult. But there are unique men, for example, my fourth husband. He is really self-sufficient, he also wants to have his own world, in which no one intervenes, that he calmly looks at all my contacts and going out with other men. This does not bother him at all. He only cares that I was interested. He respects me as a person and understands that I must develop further. This is a very high level of relations, few people come to them, but there are such couples.
I myself am, in principle, quite jealous. But my jealousy is quite conceptual in nature. This means that I am not jealous of the little things. I am so selfish that it’s easier for me not to worry about where my husband is, but to read books, have fun or go to friends myself, than to torture him and myself with senseless interrogations. And secondly, over time and with four marriages, I weaned myself a little from jealousy.
At some point, I decided that I, too, was not in the garbage dump, and therefore any jealousy, firstly, humiliates me, and secondly, nothing good happens from sorting out the relations, they fall apart completely. And thirdly, if I am so cool, then instead of jealousy you need to compete with another woman. If you suspect that something is wrong in the relationship, you need to become so brilliant that the man voluntarily stays with me. Where to get the strength to upgrade? It is not always possible to get energy from space. But no less successful way is to take a girlfriend or friends and hang out in some fun, interesting world, without a husband. Gather energy there, check your charm, become more sexual. And when a wife gains self-confidence and returns to her husband completely different, he is stunned: “My God, what is the matter with you?” And you calmly answer him: “Nothing - I live!”
And the last, this is what I described in the novel “Love. Out of the game ”: a man, unlike a woman, is still polygamous. He can equally equally declare his love to both his wife and his mistress. And in both cases he will be absolutely sincere. He only implies completely different things. And the sooner you accept this state of affairs, the calmer you will look at it.