How has the family changed?
The family is not a unit of society designed to create doubtful goods for the benefit of doubtful consumers. The family is a self-sufficient structure that can carry out functions related to society. But her main task was, is and remains the birth and upbringing of children - this is the opinion of psychologist and writer Tatyana Ogorodnikova.
Marriages and divorces
What has changed in the institution of marriage over the past 15 years? I propose to immediately analyze the killer statistics of 1994: the number of divorces then exceeded the number of marriages in the country by almost 13%. Probably, this all started.
Today, at least two positions have advanced significantly in favor of the leaders: Russia topped the list of countries in a record number of divorces, and the number of registered marriages per thousand inhabitants in Russia over the past 15 years has fallen from more than 9 to 6.8 (and in 1996 there were 5 ,nine).
80% of sexually mature men today believe that the institution of marriage has outlived itself. And those who express their thoughts quite directly will formulate this way: he died!
But we didn’t come up with balanced laws for the development of society, which means that it’s not for us to cancel them. Previously, a family without marriage was impossible. Do you know why? Because the society rather tightly controlled mores. And in the event of a violation, severe sanctions were applied. Do you remember? Marry only a virgin, to a hotel - only with a stamp in your passport, if anything - reprimand with entering in a private matter, party membership card on the table, deprivation of bonuses and thirteenth salary ...
But here came the bright times, and sex in our country still appeared! He was so eagerly awaited that the capital of our homeland, Moscow, in only a few years, entered the top ten in the nomination "The most depraved cities in the world." True, while we are only in sixth place, but this is not the Olympics for you: some year or two - and we will be in the top three winners.
One of the consequences of the sexual revolution was that women can now afford to be as frivolous and accessible as previously only men and prostitutes could be. Indeed, contraception and medical prevention make sex safe and - as a result - irresponsible. Thus, sex turns from an element of love into a free attraction, into entertainment. Moreover, very young people like to have fun in this way. This is evidenced by the numbers: the lower threshold for sexual intercourse has decreased significantly. Now, 14-year-old “women” who themselves decide to have sex do not surprise anyone: according to statistics, it is a woman who becomes the initiator of sexual contact in 50% of cases today.
There was another powerful tool that allowed us to keep vices within a certain framework - this is religion. Nowadays, although it is fashionable to be a believer, keeping the commandments is not fashionable.
Meanwhile, church marriage is considered the most durable, because according to church canons marriage is a dynamic phenomenon, construction. And the bodily unity of two people is not the beginning, but the fullness and limit of their relationship. Only when two people have become one in heart, mind, spirit, does true unity come about. True, in recent years, perhaps, church marriage has noticeably changed, because parishioners themselves have become different. And now before the wedding registration is required at the registry office.
What often causes a divorce?
VTsIOM Survey 2007
- 27% Alcoholism, addiction of one of the spouses
- 21% Lack of own housing
- 16% Inability to feed a family
- 15% Relation of relatives to family affairs
- 9% Errors of the spouses themselves
- 5% Inability to have children
- 4% Long stays
- 2% Chronic illness of one of the spouses
- 1% The imprisonment of one of the spouses
Variety of species
As for the types of marriage, there were some innovations here as well. Moreover, at the same time as the usual ones, we also actively enter into our vocabulary both parallel marriages, and weekend marriages, and guest marriages, and even serial-monogamous ones ... For what? Most likely in order to expand the very concept of “marriage” and not to bury it completely.
What is parallel marriage? This is a relationship that exists simultaneously with the "old" family. After all, look at how convenient it is: there can be as many parallel families as you like, the main thing is that they do not intersect with each other ... Many wealthy men today build relationships on the 2 + 1 principle, where 2 is one legal wife and cohabitant (possibly with a child), and 1 is a lover.
And how do you like the concept of serial monogamy? In my opinion, Evgeny Sazonov wrote best of all:
“I am one-love,” said the poet. - Being monogamous is difficult, but nice. For example, from my youthful years I was monogamous ... and more than once. "
Another great find is a weekend or guest marriage. It’s great to visit your family! But what to do when health problems begin and the need for careful care of the "guest" arises?
For completeness, recall a predatory marriage, which takes its name from the method of obtaining a bride or groom: abduction. Such a marriage arose in antiquity and survived among some peoples, for example, in Transcaucasia. Today in Russia, this type of marriage has turned into a hunt for wealthy men of any age and weight category and, in fact, their “abduction” from families.
And finally, marriages of sexual minorities have become quite commonplace. And 15 years ago we didn’t even see this on TV.
Opinion polls show that old family morality is gradually becoming a thing of the past. To the question "can a lack of love in the family cause divorce?" only 43% of Russian citizens responded positively. The second half censures the betrayal of a wife or husband not as categorically as before: 55% of men admit a “one-time” passion for their spouses. Women are even more loyal to her husband’s adventures: only 22% admit divorce due to a single betrayal.
55% of men are ready to forgive a single cheating spouse
Why is this needed?
So what should marriage be for a person in it? Do not be surprised that a proper marriage, like any normal institution, has many functions.
The reproductive function is designed to fulfill two main tasks: reproduction of the population and satisfaction of the need for children. Nowadays, reproduction is firmly in the first place. Children born in a marriage are considered legitimate, and children born out of wedlock are considered illegitimate - this remains unchanged.
But satisfying the need for children was simply a ridiculous point in relation to the institution of marriage, because a whole cohort of independent women was formed, who use men only as donors for giving birth to a child. A huge number of men do not even try to calculate the number of children scattered around the places of former business trips. The statistics are also disappointing: the appearance of a large number of childless families (today they are 15%), the conscious abandonment of the birth of an only child, and mass abandonment of newborns. Do not forget the growing number of those who do not pay child support.
15% of young families do not plan on having a baby
The next function of the family is educational. Frankly, she also underwent significant changes. First, the numbers: 30% of the children we have are single mothers, 3% of the children are single fathers. In complete families, the situation is slightly better: the mother is raising a child in 57% of cases, and the father does this only in 7%. Only 22% of parents admit that they are engaged in parenting together. In the remaining 14%, the role of the main carers is played by close relatives.
30% children in Russia are raised by single mothers. 7% fathers are actively involved in raising children
The communicative function is designed to help family members get in touch with literature, art, and the media. But, frankly speaking, advocating for the institution of a family, I would generally throw TVs out of homes where there are children. And access to a computer would be limited to viewing traffic jams and weather for tomorrow. It is clear that previously living literature and art still occupied their niche in the consciousness of the younger generation. Today, this niche is occupied by the heroes of gloss, silicone, diets and the question "how to marry ???".
And a little more about sexual function - it is almost 100% designed to realize a marriage, erroneously called civil, but in fact this form of relationship is called cohabitation. You may be surprised, but I am in favor of trying to live on the same territory before officially registering marriage, and even more so - having children. The School of the Young Fighter is an excellent test for marriage readiness. Indeed, 80% of divorces in our country occur precisely because of unpreparedness. According to the latest census, more than six and a half million of our fellow citizens live in a “civil” marriage. That is, every tenth union is unregistered. Moreover, among those who are not yet thirty, this is not every tenth, but every sixth union. 15 years ago this phenomenon was rare, but today almost everyone has friends who live together, but are not painted.
Of course, cohabitation is a comfortable way of living for men who do not want to take on unnecessary responsibility. And it would be necessary!
Over time, it becomes apparent that devastation is in the heads, not in the institution of marriage. The destruction of moral principles leads to the degradation of society as a whole. In many countries, calls are heard to return to traditional family values, because civilized humanity understands the danger of family destruction - the only social institution associated with human production.
PHOTO: CORBIS / FOTOSA.RU, PHOTOXPRESS, FOTOBANK / GETTY