We will have a baby
" Can I handle it? Suddenly, I can’t understand my child, I don’t feel what he needs, I don’t see when he is ill?
Thoughts about what kind of mom I will be are familiar to everyone who is expecting their first child or is just planning a pregnancy. What kind of mom will I be? Who is such a good mom?
Our expert and author, psychologist Svetlana Filyaeva will tell about what and why worries expectant mothers, and most importantly - how to relate to this and what to do about it.
- You can ask your question to the psychologist Svetlana Filyaeva on the expert’s page
We will soon have a child - the difficulties of the first time. We will soon become parents - anxieties and joys of the first time. What kind of mom will I be? Who is such a good mom?
Thoughts about what kind of mom I will be are familiar to everyone who is expecting a baby or is just planning a pregnancy. Gradually, the realization that yes - I really will soon become a mother, it really happens and it happens to me. We try on different models of behavior, observe families of friends from a different point of view, and review the experience of women in our families.
Each, of course, has its own way to understanding the role of mom. Being a parent is a lifelong journey, answers to questions come, and new ones appear right there. Let's talk about what often bothers the expectant mother.
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Fear - will I cope with the difficulties of the first time? So much new - suddenly I can’t understand my child, I don’t feel what he needs, I don’t see when he is ill?
One must be aware that at first it is difficult, like any other period of change. Surely, you can recall a similar situation from your own experience - a new job, moving, getting to know your future half and creating a family. You managed then, found resources, adapted, integrated - which means you can do it now.
The first month after birth is the time that mom and baby are attuned to each other, addictive, recognizing. Your competence will increase day by day. At this time, it is important to learn to trust your intuition, to find ways to interact with the baby. It will take some time, no need to rush. A new mode of life, sleep, nutrition is being established. At this time, try to relax as much as possible, relax after childbirth and direct all attention to the baby.
Will I have time to do everything at home? Acceptance of help becomes very important at this point. In the history of many cultures, in the first month or two the house, where there was an addition, remained closed to visitors. Relatives came shortly before the birth to take on all the household chores in the first days. All this created a certain atmosphere, helped mom to enter a new role, to be with her child, not to be distracted, not to spend herself emotionally and physically on nothing else.
But you should not rely only on your nature, that everything will somehow work out by itself. You need to prepare your parental position. During pregnancy, select books, magazines about parenting, attend courses for future parents, get acquainted, make contacts, communicate more with those who already have children. This will add confidence, give emotional support.
FROM LETTER OF Catherine, mother of six-month-old Masha.
« In the school for expectant mothers, we have developed a whole company. We met and went together not only to classes, but also walked, enthusiastically engaged in shopping, picked up cute children's things, shared the necessary addresses, information about various discounts, promotions. What a blessing that I had new friends, I fully appreciated when Masha was born. I well remember the day when the baby first cried for several hours in a row, I remember my despair, fear. In the evening I began to call the girls, and suddenly it turned out that all the children that day were capricious, ate badly or slept. It became clear that the reason was not some terrible disease, but simply a sharp change in the weather. What a relief it was for me, and I was also given good information about soothing bath herbs. I became calmer and my daughter soon fell asleep».
Mutual understanding in the family. In the early days, mom and dad have exactly the same level of competence. You will grow and develop as parents together. The establishment of the first connections with the child, understanding occurs through contact. It is very important for the pope to find his own language, his own way of interacting, to feel himself not as an outside observer, but as a full-fledged participant in all the important events in his house.
No need to drive away dad, if he does something ineptly, not to build a defense of nannies and grandmothers. Dad can do much more than get a child in the form of a package and complete the task of walking with a stroller for two hours in the park. All parents know well that it is dad who manages to calm and put the baby to bed in the evening. Mom usually gets tired by the end of the day, she needs time for herself. Dad can take on a pleasant evening bathing ritual. This is a special time for both the child and the parent.
Fears of the first time quickly recede, try not to rush things, do not look ahead, but enjoy the unique moment that you are living now. The first day, second, week, month will pass - the baby will change, each of these days will be valuable and special, will bring a new one to the treasury of your parental and human experience.